0

Unemployed

Posted by the Strawboss on September 19, 2016 in ask the Strawboss

Dear Strawboss,

How long will I be unemployed?

Lisa

 

Dear Lisa,

Well, you can only be unemployed for as long as you’re alive, but hopefully an employer comes calling before the Reaper does.

Aside from death knocking you off the jobless rolls, you must consider opportunities in your town as well as your skillset. If you’re only qualified to be a Soda Jerk or Chimney Sweep in a town with neither sodas nor chimneys, you’re probably looking at a future collecting cans. Of course, in a sodaless town, that too could be a bust.

Take an honest look at what you have to offer your town and what it has to offer you. If you’re looking at a lose/lose, I suggest updating you skills, and/or catching the next bus out of town.

 

the Strawboss has spoken

0

Alterfest 9-4 Beer Tent around 10-10:30pm – w4m (Kettering)

Posted by the Strawboss on September 12, 2016 in Missed Connections Mischief

Missed Connections Mischief

Alterfest 9-4 Beer Tent around 10-10:30pm – w4m (Kettering)

Tall guy, grey and white shirt (?), jeans with greying hair – guessing in your 40s with a much shorter older guy with a bright blue shirt, both standing at the front of the beer tent at Alterfest around 10-10:30 I believe. You were looking my way, my girlfriend turned around and pointed right at you. I was too shy to say anything. If you happen to see this, message me with your pic and what I was wearing. Wish I wasn’t so shy!

 

re: Alterfest 9-4 Beer Tent around 10-10:30pm – w4m (Kettering)

Hey, I remember you! My boyfriend saw your girl pointing at me was about to go over there and kick her ass, but I reminded him that he couldn’t fight worth shit so he finished sipping his beer with the lime wedge. Good thing you were too shy, as the aforementioned boyfriend is indicative I’m not a fan of the cooch chute. Oh and you were wearing black XXL “skinny” jeans and gold hi tops. A for school spirit, F for execution.

Dicks B4 Chicks

 

 

0

Teacher?

Posted by the Strawboss on September 12, 2016 in ask the Strawboss

Dear Strawboss,

After getting a bachelor’s degree, can Austie then become an elementary school teacher?

Anon

 

Dear Anon,

That would all depend on who in the hell Austie is. Is he (she?) a sexual predator or a convicted felon? Even if this gender neutral individual is devoid of a criminal record, there could be issues of temperament and/or hygiene. Does Austie have a lazy eye or a club foot which could become fodder for ridicule? If we’ve learned anything from watching Goonies, it’s that kids can be cruel. And annoying as a f*ck sandwich on potato bread. Basically, you need more than a degree to herd a bunch of crumbsnatchers for six hours a day. Perhaps some grey market Adderall slipped into a few juice boxes.

 

the Strawboss has spoken

0

People Phobia

Posted by the Strawboss on September 12, 2016 in ask the Strawboss

Dear Strawboss,

What can I do to stop being so afraid of working with people?

Felicity

 

Dear Felicity,

Have you tried exposure therapy? I used to be afraid of mice, so, one day I went to the pet store and held one next to my face. Aside from the week I spent with dysentery, it all worked out quite well. Now, I’m not entirely sure nuzzling your coworkers aligns with your company harassment policy, but it can’t be any worse than cozying up to commercially bred vermin.

 

Truth be told, fear of man is a rather successful survival trait in the wild (and in South Side Chicago), so maybe you could keep your fear and just carry mace. If that results in another company violation, seek therapy.

 

the Strawboss has spoken