Dear Strawboss,
I met a guy for coffee last night, and he seemed nice enough at first. Unfortunately, there was little attraction and he still lives with his dad (and doesn’t mind). Then he asked if I was “hip to the Muslim thing.” I told him no, and he proceeded to tell me that “Muslims are trying to take over the world and have already done a pretty good job in Europe.” Needless to say, he was a big NO. So last night he sent me a message saying he’d like to see me again soon. I didn’t want to just ignore him, or give him the wrong impression, but I didn’t want to me mean either, so I said I enjoyed talking to him but I didn’t think we’d be a good match. Now this afternoon I get a message “so a second date is out of the question?” How do I not be mean from here?

Too Nice

Dear Nice,
First of all, I wouldn’t spare this guy’s feelings or the horses I’d use to get out of there. Secondly, mean is more about intent and delivery than hurting someone’s feelings. Telling a guy you’re not interested isn’t mean. Telling a guy you’re not interested by using a bullhorn then spitting in his face is a different story.

Too many people confuse being mean with being honest, that’s because of an overactive Guilt gland. Guilt was meant to keep us from cheating on our taxes and abandoning unruly children in shopping carts. It was never intended to make you spend too much at Christmas, entertain your aunt’s hypochondria or keep company with people that could bore a dead man.

You also shouldn’t send mixed signals when you’re trying to get rid of a clinger. Saying you enjoyed talking to him makes him think he has a chance, and, by nature, people latch onto whatever gives them hope. Just be straight and don’t leave the door open for misunderstandings. That door needs to be closed and deadbolted with a couch shoved up against it. He’ll get the message.

I am the Strawboss. My door is always open closed.

Dear Strawboss,

I’ve been trying to stay neutral in a situation between my nephew and a former roommate, Matt. My nephew, Bob, is 26 and married with two kids. Matt was living with them to help make the rent while everyone was unemployed. Recently Matt moved out because things were just getting unbearable for all concerned there.

About 2 weeks ago, Matt posted some smack on Facebook about how Bob was selling things of his that were still at the house. To hear Matt tell it, he called the cops on Bob because he sold stolen items. To hear Bob tell it, Matt came to the house very late after the kids were in bed and caused a disturbance, yelling, screaming and threatening Bob. This caused Bob to call the police who made Matt leave the property. I’m sure there’s a police report somewhere and I’d love to read it to find out who’s telling the truth.

You might think that’s enough, but yesterday it got worse. Sometime when Matt was living with Bob, he had a fling with my niece, Amy. Amy is 22. Yesterday, Bob and Matt got into it again and Matt posted a comment about wanting to embarrass Bob and take away any credibility he might have. He mentioned that he slept with the sister (my niece), and that Bob is cheating on his wife, etc. Someone suggested that Matt write a note of all the things that Bob has done and tag everyone on Facebook who knows Bob so they can read it. Then he says Matt should post naked pictures of my niece. At that point, I couldn’t stay out of it. I posted my own comment. Matt agreed not to do anything with the pics, but I just read the latest and he has posted something on another site.

I guess I’ve gone past neutral at this point. The sad part is I don’t know who to believe because I am positive I’ve been lied to by every party involved. Unless someone is in actual physical danger, I can’t take this to my sister and her husband because they have gone through hell with their kids over the years and I just can’t add to it. I know none of this is my responsibility, but I can’t help but feel that if I can do something to diffuse this, that I should do it. I appreciate any advice you can give me. My main concern is that my great-nephew and great-niece are safe. The adults can fend for themselves.

Upset

Upset,
I have long held the belief that nothing causes a loss of maturity and common sense faster than Facebook, and it would appear that all parties involved started out in the hole. 1st of all, a boarder is not supposed to be a sole source of income. That’s like inviting someone over for dinner and asking them to bring a bucket of chicken. 2nd, you don’t shag your landlord’s sister. And 3rd, you don’t take nudie pics with your brother’s tenants. But, of course, settling your differences in the court of Facebook is the next logical step for those who engage in such buffoonery.

But what does all of this mean to you? Absolutely nothing. I know they have kids, and while they may be your concern, they aren’t you responsibility. This is just an extended audition for another sad reality show, and unless you plan on being a recurring extra, I suggest you remove yourself from the situation. While their actions indicate they are legally challenged, their driver’s licenses indicate they are of legal age, so saying, “I’ma tell ya momma!” really isn’t an option. Crazy people are contagious. Their crazy cooties spread quicker than swine flu on a Mexican pig farm, and the only vaccine is MYOB. Quarantine these carriers and get yourself some Airborne.

I am the Strawboss. You can go your own way.

Strawboss,
I swear it is like every other day, people get their feelings hurt b/c I was supposedly ignoring them or leaving them out or I said something that hurt their feelings or I dressed nicer than them and THAT offended them. Take my sister, for example. She has such low self esteem, that she cries if she feels I look better than her. Then I have to comfort her and reassure her that she’s attractive and beautiful. How do I let people know that not everything I do is about them without hurting their feelings? I know what it’s like to feel that way, so I don’t want to be cruel.

Going Nuts

Nuts,
Who’s your sister, the step mom from Snow White and you’re her magic mirror? Unless you’re performing a Chris Rock style of comedy at their expense, you need to tell the people in you’re life to grow thicker skin.

People too easily get caught up in patterns, and I suspect this is what is happening with you and your loved ones. They get hurt, and because you empathize so deeply with these feelings, you feel it’s your responsibility to mitigate their pain. Now you’re caught in an endless cycle of pouting and consoling.

It’s not your job to constantly monitor everyone’s feelings like some Emotional Groundskeeper. It’s your job to be kind, respectful, and, above all, honest. You have to be the one to break the cycle. Eventually they’ll toughen up or employ someone else to maintain their garden of self esteem.

I am the Strawboss. You make it look like I am the crazy one here.

SB,
I just read that Nickelodeon is standing behind Chris Brown. Apparently, he is up for a few kids choice awards. What’s your opinion on this matter? Doesn’t it seem like they are telling little kids everywhere it’s ok to beat up your significant other? Quite frankly it pisses me off that these major corporations and celebs are treating this like it was a minor squabble. I know it doesn’t make matters any better that she took him back, which is another story in itself, but why glorify his image like he is still a positive role model for little kids? What’s up with that??!!
Righteous Indignation

Righteous,
I read this too, and while I’m not quite ready to stage a sit in at Nickelodeon Studios, I do find it somewhat perplexing. Usually family oriented businesses run from a troubled star like Wesley Snipes from the IRS but, for whatever reason, Nick isn’t even flinching at the news of Ike Jr’s brouhaha. Maybe the O.J’.s, the Bobby Brown’s and the R. Kelly’s of the entertainment world have made us numb to a lil friendly game of fisticuffs. Maybe Nick is a firm believer in Due Process. Or maybe Nick just doesn’t give a flying fig.

It can be argued that he is being nominated for his music and not his personal life, but if the masses can burn Dixie Chicks’ CD’s for bad mouthing the President, surely Chris Brown deserves a few less spins for using Rihanna’s face for a speed bag, especially since his target audience is young folks.

It would be nice if Nick would distance themselves from this tomfoolery, but at the end of the day, it’s up to the parents to guide their kids. It’s not up to Nick to teach my daughter to take a bat to any guy’s neck that thinks he can put his hands on her. In fact, I’m sending a proposal to Nintendo for a Wii game that allows you to do just that. It’s tentatively called “Wife Beater Beaters.”

I am the Strawboss. I believe the children are our future.