Dear Strawboss,
I met a guy for coffee last night, and he seemed nice enough at first. Unfortunately, there was little attraction and he still lives with his dad (and doesn’t mind). Then he asked if I was “hip to the Muslim thing.” I told him no, and he proceeded to tell me that “Muslims are trying to take over the world and have already done a pretty good job in Europe.” Needless to say, he was a big NO. So last night he sent me a message saying he’d like to see me again soon. I didn’t want to just ignore him, or give him the wrong impression, but I didn’t want to me mean either, so I said I enjoyed talking to him but I didn’t think we’d be a good match. Now this afternoon I get a message “so a second date is out of the question?” How do I not be mean from here?

Too Nice

Dear Nice,
First of all, I wouldn’t spare this guy’s feelings or the horses I’d use to get out of there. Secondly, mean is more about intent and delivery than hurting someone’s feelings. Telling a guy you’re not interested isn’t mean. Telling a guy you’re not interested by using a bullhorn then spitting in his face is a different story.

Too many people confuse being mean with being honest, that’s because of an overactive Guilt gland. Guilt was meant to keep us from cheating on our taxes and abandoning unruly children in shopping carts. It was never intended to make you spend too much at Christmas, entertain your aunt’s hypochondria or keep company with people that could bore a dead man.

You also shouldn’t send mixed signals when you’re trying to get rid of a clinger. Saying you enjoyed talking to him makes him think he has a chance, and, by nature, people latch onto whatever gives them hope. Just be straight and don’t leave the door open for misunderstandings. That door needs to be closed and deadbolted with a couch shoved up against it. He’ll get the message.

I am the Strawboss. My door is always open closed.