Friends and Lovers

Posted by the Strawboss on July 1, 2012 in ask the Strawboss

Dear Strawboss,
I have recently fallen for a certain girl that I have known and been friends with for many years. She knows that I have fallen for her and I know that she has also fallen for me, but we are too afraid to date one another out of fear of damaging the friendship that we have. Is it wise to not date friends although our feelings for each other are undeniable? Or is it best to go with what we feel regardless of our fears?

I have had this debate with many people, with most subscribing to the mantra of Don’t date your friends. It seems to make sense, but so did Trickle Down Economics at one time. Personally, I find this to be one of the most asinine relationship theories ever spoken. Right up there with Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. Yeah, try that logic when paying your bills and all you have will be divvied up in bankruptcy court.

Saying don’t date your friends is a lot like saying don’t choose something you love as a job. The logic is that what you love will then feel like work, which implies that work sucks. Well that’s probably because it not something you love! Maybe work would suck a whole lot less if it was something you really enjoyed doing. It’s the same thing with relationships. This thing called love wouldn’t be such risky business if we chose more compatible mates, and who’s more compatible than a friend?

If you’ve spent your whole life dating people who aren’t (or don’t make) very good friends, then you’ve probably experienced quite a bit of heartache. That’s because most of the qualities required in a mate are the same ones you’d find in a good friend. So if you’re fortunate enough to find mutual romantic feelings with a friend, then cling to that love like toilet paper on a dress shoe. The alternative is to choose someone who is less compatible, and what sense does that make?

Not every friend is gonna be a candidate for the dating game. Some people wander into the friend zone and never find their way out, but occasionally you get an unexpected spark. Don’t be afraid to see where it goes. A good friend is hard to find, but true love is even more elusive.

I am the Strawboss.

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